I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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