Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
