Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
