Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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