the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
