Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
