I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
