Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
