i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
