I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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