I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
