U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
