just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
