Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I deserve this hangover.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
