he shaved USA in his pubs
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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