Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
