Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Damn victory sex feels great
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
