How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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