I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
