I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
