I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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