cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
