census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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