I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
