I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
