rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
