Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
