WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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