i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
