The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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