You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
MIDGETS
????
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
