you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
