Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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