Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
