He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
