If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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