Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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