i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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