i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
