so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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