YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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