One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
