Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
