So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
