I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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