Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
