why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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