You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
