Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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