Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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