you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
