It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
