We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We were destined to go to rehab together
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
