On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
